those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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