somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
