Cold hands, warm shart.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
