My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
