Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
