My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
