'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
