Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
