since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
