I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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