...so i touched it.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
