A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
