I wanna passion pit in your ass
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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