are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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