His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
