You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
