You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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