Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
