those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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