yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
