There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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