I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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