I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
