i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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