I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
