I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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