She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
