Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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