Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
