maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
