Say something about gay babies.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
