this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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