I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I need moral support for this bender
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
