get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
