Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
