I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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