I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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