I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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