I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
