I am puke
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
