So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
