How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
