so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
