My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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