Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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