i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dignity is for republicans.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
