peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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