zippers are such a cool invention
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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