I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
