im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
