so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
