Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
