i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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