Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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