Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
