dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
