Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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